Chronicles Of We Are A.S.A.M

All characters are purely fictional and any resemblances are purely coincidental:)

Yesterday, as I was lying down on my bed reflecting on the day gone by, wondering about the feasibility of opening a roast maize stall in the upper class Muthaiga due to lack of competition ( I am sure your in awe of my enterprising foresight, never thought of that did you). I was bitten by a mosquito and fell into a deep sleep. As I woke up I saw in a vision, a mosquito ringing its fist in the air and standing on the moon looking at earth. What is this I thought to myself? “Nzwing! Nzwing!” I said to the mosquito, to which it replied, “I speak English idiot! And no! that is not how we sound!” “I want to recruit you into our devious scheme to take over the world” he spoke to me as he went into his evil monologue….”for a long time I have looked at you humans lying lazily on your bed like beached whales, bringing destruction to the world fighting each other like a group of women with synchronized periods and plundering the environment, it is with this that I…… “M and M” “Mosquito and Marvelous” formed the secret organization “A.S.A.M” “As Stealthy As A Mosquito” to take over the world. I have sent my minions across the globe who have extracted genetic information from you lowly worms every time they bite you, this genetic information is being fed into a supercomputer and after we have everyone’s information we shall build a remote that will be able to control everyone and hence the WORLD!!!!!!!”*maniacal buzzing* (their larynx is not adapted to laughing…….but this is what I presumed….) so why do you need me? I asked”We can’t survive in winter so we need you to build us a jacket and some mittens or develop some genetic strain that can sustain us in cold weather, we can’t get to those blasted Eskimos……..” “My goodness! Is that the best plan you could come up with!” I exhorted, ”Louis the Pest was our astute leader but he went Hollywood on us……..and to retort we were responsible for the recent G4S robberies…gathering money for our fiendish schemes, to send a team to the world cup as a sample of all nationalities should be present, making it easier to gather a bigger gene pool.” “Why you telling me all this?” I interrupted, “Actually I don’t know, I know Evil 101 “Don’t Monologue” but there’s a high you get from “monologuing” it’s a bad habit like staring at the mirror and telling yourself sweet nothings but you can’t stop….” What is your mantra?” I asked” I have a use in this ecosystem” he replied” Yeah, definitely a bad habit” I chuckled. “ENOUGH!” he blared, will you join us? We need you to free Louis the pest, we believe he is under a mind controlling device utilized by a zombie, she calls herself Paris Hillton, who rules Hollywood, eliminate all geckos, set ablaze pyrethrum fields on fire, you know what!, the rest will be communicated on acceptance, what you say?”................................................