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Never trust a hard on because eventually it will let you down, take a moment and think, don't be hard on yourself, one hard decison could let you down for the rest of your life.
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"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"

And now! for the final question? Are you ready………? Do you love her?....your choices are A) Yes
B) She cooks well
C) No
D) I couldn’t get the girl who works on the 2nd floor

Joe: I think I’ll “ask the audience”
Ben: Okay, Joe seems to be in a pickle, audience in front of you, you will find a remote with choices from A to D, select the one that you feel is right, remember the stakes are high…., Joe I wouldn’t like to be your girlfriend right now
Joe: Thank God your not
(Crowd laughs)
Ben: Okay audience key in your choice starting now

Ben: Okay the results are in and
20% say “Yes”
10% say “She cooks well
30% say “No”
40% say “I couldn’t get the girl who works on the 2nd floor

Ben: Joe, it seems you having problems climbing those stairs?
Joe: Ben, (he chuckles) my foot can still make it to you’re a$#
Ben: AND AUDIENCE we can see here is a case of someone who needs to learn how to use the elevators
(Crowd laughs)
Joe sneers
So Joe, has the audience made your choice easier?
(pauses)
Joe: This is a tough one Ben
Ben: Really, …..Joe its either you know or you don’t?
Joe: Ben,how did you get this job?
Ben: Well Joe, why don’t you ask the audience?
(Crowd laughs)
Ben: We’re running out of time what is your choice?
Joe: Could you eliminate the choices?
Ben: Okay computer eliminate two wrong choices and leave the right ones?

Ben: So the computer seems to think, it is
A) Yes
And
D) I couldn’t get the girl who works on the 2nd floor

Ben: Joe has that helped your decision?
Joe: I think you need a new computer
Ben: And like the computer maybe you’ll need a new girlfriend?
(crowd laughs)
Ben: Why is it so difficult anyway?
Joe: It’s a strong commitment; I want to be absolutely sure
Ben: Then why are you in it anyway?
Joe: Why do you host this show?
Ben: Because you took my job on the first floor!
(crowd laughs)
Ben: What is your choice?
Joe:Can I call a friend?
Ben:And who are you calling?
Joe:Tim, I grew up with him, he pretty much knows me inside out he always gives me advice on the right way to go?
Ben:And what does he do?
Joe:He’s an entrepreneur
Ben:In what?
Joe:He is into this and that?
Ben:And that is who you are calling?
Joe:Yes, he’s been out school doing his thing for awhile but always manages to find a way
Ben: Ladies and Gentlemen, where Lil boy tim

(Phone rings)
Ben: Hallo timmy, this is Ben from “Are you Serious?” Now we have Ben here who’s in a sticky situation and needs your help, he’s at his final question “ do you love her?,you have 30 seconds, the next voice you’ll hear is from Joe…

Go

Joe:Hallo Tim,
Tim:Hey wasup man what’s going on? I’m hearing you in a sticky situation (laughs) like me oh! man these people I borrowed money from have come over to the house, and I have no money
Joe:Tim
Tim:No really, I’m hiding behind the couch, I’ve told my mom to tell them to go away
Joe:Tim, uhhh!
Tim:You do you have any money by the way, you know I’m good for it?
Joe:Tim, can you…
Tim:Oh! you do, man! I know you always come through, yo! Mommy! is my peanut butter and jelly sandwich ready….

AND TIMES UP…

Ben: So Joe, you friend wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?......
Joe:Shut up!

Joe can you decide…….

Government to Fight Crime with Vaseline

Due to the increasing security concerns, the government has issued an alert and a statement as follows,” We have noticed that robberies have increased exponentially in the recent months and this has put a strain on our police. After much consideration and analyzing the budget at our disposal, we have come up with safety measure to reduce the crime. Fellow citizens we will be issuing tubs of Vaseline at our local police stations, we would like you to apply this Vaseline liberally around your neck. Lubricate your neck as much as you can, this will in essence greatly reduce your chances of being strangled or being choked from behind. We as the government never do have a sound solution to your problems and this is yet another one. We take no shame in having uttering this absolutely contrived and hideous solution but as usual we expect you to make noise and absorb it briskly. We will not be taking any questions at this point, feel free to collect a tub of Vaseline as you leave, lubricate your neck, it could save your life.

False doctrine is like Morning Wood

So apparently how you wake up is how the rest of your day is gonna be?....that's just dumb, so what happens if I wake up with "morning wood" really there are some really dumb notions in this world e.g if you see a black cat that means your gonna have bad luck, personally I think thats just being racist,or if you bite your tongue that means someone is talking about you (maybe you just have poor reflexes).
You gotta be careful what you believe these days, a truth is only a truth if it liberates, if not its just a placebo.
False doctrine is like morning wood it will make sense at that time and feel real but after awhile it'll go, it just keeps you up for awhile.

I hate your weave!!!

"I love you I really do but me,you and your weave cannot coexist,one of us has to go!Its not me, its your weave,dont listen to India Arie anymore"
I think most of us in our relationships have this one thing about our lover/partner/ honey pot or whatever irrational name love has got you calling them, that really you just can't stand! I don't know why most of us keep it in because eventually its going to come out or innappropriately in a conversation e.g Honey can you pass me the sugar,you horse wearing weave loving hobo and you need to trim your toenails, you nasty woman, thank dear!"or " today is such a beautiful day, it would be so nice if you finally learnt how to do your own damn! shopping you inconsiderate...., oh! look a bird just flew by"
In all our relationships the realer we are the better, if they can't take you being real, probably your in the wrong relationship, the truth hurts and probably if you are with the right person they probably will. The truth always comes out, learn how to take it with grace, if its a loving relationship ( I can't believe I used that expression I feel like a marriage counsellor, but I got a soft spot "no homo") it should always build you to being a better person.
Now,"I hate your weave!"

The Great Outdoors

I really can’t see the point of camping. To leave the comfort of your own home to go and sit under the stars, the moon, the elements, ……..if you think about it, that really defeats the purpose of a house, that you so struggled to attain or for some of us who are past the “why are you still in my house” date? Why didn’t you just call it a day and move to the forest initially? I can see the point of camping maybe if it is to avoid that hideous face of your landlord, water and ludicrous power bills from a truly defunct and futile power agency. To be one with nature, is the usual excuse, or I want to go to “the great outdoors to find myself”, well every time I leave my house I am already in the great outdoors.
Crazy drivers, just crossing the road gives you an adrenaline rush, super bionic mosquitoes, no water, no power; sometimes in my house I feel like I’m camping, just me and my candles as the power mafia feel the need to regulate my power intake, as I listen to the sights and sounds of Nairobi: Someone trying to clear their throat after being strangled out of their dues, I call it the “Strepsil treatment” or the classic “Backstroke” where someone sneaks up behind you, grabs you from behind and his accomplice picks you up from your feet and proceeds to “borrow” your shoes, the usual matatu conductor getting cussed out, the neighborhood drunk trying out for “MTAA’S (Hood's) NEXT IDOL” With all these dangers and pleasant sounds, why do we seek to live our lives on the edge in the wild while the city is so courteous enough to give us our own “Great outdoors” Why should we dance around a camping fire, skipping daintily and holding hands, what are we, trying to summon spirits?!? We have made great strides in civilization and fought for freedom not to be there, the next time you go camping think, “What would Thomas Edison think? He got electrocuted about a 1000 times trying to give you light but noooooooooo you want to go and sit under a moon“I want to find myself” someone retorts, well let me save you the psychologist, self help book fees………”LOOK IN THE MIRROR!” or you could just find God? I don’t need a chimpanzee or a koala bear to help me find myself.
I think I want to get away from it all………..

Baaa-aaaad

Sheep continue to protest in the city streets, as the crowd continues to fall asleep in their droves,"Bah! how long will we be counted and be ridiculed in books?"Big Sheep
Random street person, "are you trying to pull the wool over our eyes?" "we are tired of you" as the crowd breaks into an uproarious laughter.
"Four feet good, two feet baa-aa-ad" the ringleader blares......
Could this be the uprising of the sheep.....,(yawn) stay tuned to the next episode of-of-of-.....yaaaaawn, just stay tuuned